Halloween ain’t my thing.

You know how retailers start displaying Christmas stuff in October (and sometimes as early as September) and people in the Halloween costume aisles are all, “It’s not even Halloween yet and Christmas decorations are already out?!?”

Well, those early-bloomin’ retailers are catering to folks like me.

I’ve tried to be a Halloween person; I really have. It just never seems to work for me. Halloween and I simply don’t get along.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I can chow down on some candy corn and pumpkin-shaped Peeps while keeping Time Warp and The Monster Mash on repeat all day long, but that isn’t going to improve my Halloweening skills.

I think the problem started when I was 11, trying to pretend I was too cool for Halloween costumes. I wanted to dress up, but I didn’t want anyone to know I actually had dressed up. So I went as a rapper. Yes, yes, I did. And not in a Nicki Minaj or Lil Kim kind of way. Like… more of an Eminem kind of way. I have no clue what I was thinking.

Since that year, Halloween costumes have yet to really work for me. (I can, however, rock a tacky Christmas outfit.)

Halloween parties haven’t really been good to me either–I’ve only ever attended one. My freshman year of college, I spent Halloween night on the quad watching a bonfire (which actually turned out to be a lot of fun; I met a lot of people that night who I still hang out with from time to time).

My sophomore year, I went home for Halloween. I spent the evening dressed up, sitting on the couch with the guy I was dating as we watched a movie.

My junior year, I was a single girl, so I figured I’d try the party scene. I tried to dress up as Ke$ha (which, as you could probably guess, didn’t really work out) and had plans to go to a big house party. When we got there, not many people had arrived. The group I was with got bored, so we spent the next two hours (unsuccessfully) hunting for another party. When we finally got back, we danced for maybe 20 minutes before the stereo speakers blew, at which point I was just ready to go home. What a dud of a night!

Last year, I didn’t even bother trying to find a college party. I spent my Halloween partying it up with my mom and lots of her friends for her 50th birthday. That was probably the most fun I’ve had on a Halloween weekend in years.

This year, Josh and I considered throwing a party of our own for Halloween, but we just decided not to. I haven’t planned anything yet and we have no decorations. I don’t want to throw a party that everyone remembers as a snooze-fest. Instead, we’ll just keep it chill with my sister and best friend as we watch some scary movies. I think that would be more fun than trying to entertain a
bunch of people anyway (or stressing about how much food to make or worrying about whether to buy booze to spike the punch, and the list goes on).

So you go ahead and live in Octoberland. Buy your costume and decorate your home and plan your party. I’ll just be hanging out in the Christmas aisle, daydreaming about December.

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